Being raised with a sibling is a thoroughly unique experience, to the point where anyone who has grown up as an only child can never comprehend the sorrow of your mother treating your sibling like royalty. In contrast, parents treat you like you’re easily replaceable. When mothers mistreat their children, the children notice, and it impacts them for the rest of their lives.
It’s not unnatural to be unsure of your position in the family, but if you believe your mother loves you less than your brother or sister, you might just be onto something. When you feel like your siblings get all the attention, it can be challenging to cope. You’re left wondering why you’re the one who takes all the flak for stuff that your siblings getaway. If your siblings receive what they want and you don’t, it can make you feel insignificant. You might even wonder, “Why does my mom hate me?”
There are healthy approaches to dealing with the issue and working through your emotions. If you see instances of partiality in your home and are unable to change it, you will have to learn to manage your feelings accordingly.
What Signs Should You Look For To Recognize Sibling Favoritism?
Your Sibling Lacks Motivation
If your sibling needed additional inspiration or help in school and other activities, the same might be said. When one child appears to be less driven in areas such as sports or school, the mother may feel compelled to give them more attention or push them, leading to one child feeling unloved.
Your Parents Spend More Money On Your Sibling
You should take it as a compliment if your parents offer money to your siblings but never help you financially.
Perhaps your working sibling is not paying good, and they are now relying on your mother to help them get back on their feet. Maybe they required extra aid as a child in the form of tutoring or after-school care to help with their grades; thus, they always seemed to attract more attention.
Your Parents Discipline You Differently
It’s not uncommon for parents to discipline their children differently, especially if one child requires more discipline or attention than the other. Some mothers will be lenient with one sibling while being highly severe with another.
And, understandably, this can feel unjust. However, parents expect that one child requires more supervision while the other is more trustworthy. If you were an excellent kid while your sibling was continually getting into mischief, your mother was probably obligated to give them more attention to keep them safe.
Your Sibling Loves Being In The Spotlight
It is not uncommon for mothers to pay more attention to a child who needs it. If you have a sibling who is good at certain activities or skills like acting or sports and needs attention, your mother may have ignored you, thinking your sibling needs particular attention, thus making you feel a sense of neglect. While it isn’t necessarily fair or balanced, it could explain why you’ve always felt like they weren’t there for you as much as they were for your brother.
Your Parents Adjusted Their Parenting Style According To Your Sibling’s Needs
Like it or not, parents often change the way they treat each child over time and learn from their mistakes, which can cause the older child to feel that things are not going well or that their mother loves their younger siblings more. They may think their younger siblings got the best treatment, while younger children may believe their mothers are much stricter. The combinations here are truly endless.
In many cases, however, none of this has to do with the love a parent feels. However, the thing to keep in mind is that resentment can build up if things have been genuinely unfair or if you still have to overcome those feelings of unfairness.
However, if you can’t shake the feeling that your mother loved your siblings more, it might be a good idea to seek help from a therapist.
Processing & Handling Favoritism
Most mothers strive to be fair and equal in the treatment of their children. You may wonder why your mother despises you but adores your siblings, yet there could be particular circumstances that you do not know. If your sibling is unwell, has special needs, or simply requires more help or attention than you, your mother forcefully prioritises their care.
If your sibling or mother isn’t doing this deliberately, try not to blame them. Consider the reason for the treatment you’re getting —you might not be courteous as your siblings or do things that irritate them. Perhaps it isn’t favouritism if they have valid judgments about your actions.
When someone else is your favourite, you may experience feelings of rage or depression. If you feel despised, you may harbour resentment toward your mother and affect your interpersonal relationships. Even if all you want is more affirmation and affection from your mother, try not to lose your cool over it. Don’t allow it to damage your self-esteem, and if it’s bothering you and affecting you significantly, talking things over with a counsellor or close friend may help. You should also attempt to have a healthy relationship with your siblings and keep your worry under control so that you don’t generate ill will towards them.
Don’t let the situation have an impact on your mental health. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help when you need it because self-esteem counselling and learning to resolve unpleasant emotions can be beneficial.
Make a concerted effort on your end of the connection. Don’t just wait for your mother to figure out what’s wrong with you. Spending more time with your parents and chatting with them can only enhance your bond. Parents realise that as their children grow older, they take on new tasks and responsibilities. Therefore, respecting your space may be why they are acting in this manner.