The Five Love Languages: 5 Surprising Ways to Transform Your Love Life

Introduction

We all speak different languages, right? If I speak English, you could be speaking Chinese, another French. So, we know that there are different languages we use to communicate. But did you know there is a language for love as well? Well, not just one or two, but five of them!  These languages can change your perspective about yourself and your partner completely. In this article, let me help you understand what these five love languages are, why they are important, and how your relationship can blossom if you use them well.

“Listen with ears of tolerance! See through the eyes of compassion! Speak with the language of love.” -Rumi^[1]

Define Love Languages

So, imagine a situation where there are two people, one who speaks French and the other who speaks German. What do you think is going to happen? They would not be able to talk, right? Sometimes, that is what happens in our romantic relationships as well. You and your partner might be talking but not in the language that the other understands.

Love Languages is a concept given by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts“^[2]. He said that there are five different types of languages that different people use while in a romantic relationship, as different people express and receive love in different ways. These languages can include verbal and non-verbal ways of telling your partner that you love them.

If you know your partner’s love language, you can basically talk in a way that they understand and hear you the best. The kind of mental, emotional, and physical satisfaction this small change can bring to your life is going to be amazing!

Types Of Love Languages

There are five types of love languages, as described by Dr. Gary Chapman:^[3]

1. Words of Affirmation: If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, then you need to say words that make your partner feel good and loved. You could probably say that you appreciate some aspect of them or that you love them.  Even encouragement and expressing your gratitude would count. The idea is to say it with absolute certainty and that you mean it wholeheartedly. Your partner should just feel wanted and accepted after hearing your words.
2. Acts of Service: If this is your partner’s love language, then know that they like when you help them in completing their tasks. It could be something as small as helping them pick up a bag without asking for anything in return. You could help your partner do household chores, pick up groceries or dry cleaning, or even call up the parents without them having to ask you to do that.
3. Receiving Gifts: If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, then you need to get them multiple gifts. It does not matter if the gift is big or small, expensive or cheap. It just should be something that your partner will love receiving. Bonus points if you’ve been successful in keeping it as a surprise. So, maybe just wrap the gift before giving it to them. Something as small as a single flower would be amazing.
4. Quality Time: If your partner’s love language is quality time, then that means they would want to be with you where your attention is completely on them. You could just simply go on a walk together where you both talk and listen to each other. In fact, even sitting in your bedroom and talking can be amazing. Just keep your phones away when you do that.
5. Physical Touch: Physical touch from the one we love can be absolutely calming and comforting. So, if this is your partner’s love language, then anything from holding hands to a hug to even sex is something that can make them feel loved and wanted. After a long day, you can just sit with each other and cuddle or give them a foot or back massage for a few minutes and see the magic.

Know more about Understanding Speech and Language Disorders and the Differences Between Them.

How To Identify Five Love Languages

It’s not very difficult to figure out what your and your partner’s love language is. You just have to communicate and observe their actions and reactions. So, here’s what you can do:^[4]

1. Observe their Behavior: So while your partner is interacting with people around you, just check what makes them glow with happiness or what makes them feel wanted and appreciated. Also, notice how they express love to others. For example, if your partner asks her friends and family members to meet often or she gets very excited and happy seeing you and other people, then it’s possible that their love language is quality time.
2. Reflect on your Preferences: For yourself, check what comes naturally to you. If given a choice, how would you want to express love to your partner and the people around you? Check for yourself what aspect of your relationship makes you feel that your partner loves and values you.
3. Communicate Openly: You can even have an open and honest discussion with your partner about what makes you feel loved and appreciated. If there were any past relationships where you felt used rather than loved, then share that also. That way, your partner will know what not to do. Talk about what moments meant a lot to both of you and how you both can make each other feel more loved, valued, and appreciated.
4. Experiment and Observe Reactions: One great way to identify your love language is by just experimenting. Go ahead and try out all five of them. See which ones make you and your partner feel most loved and which ones bring out the least amount of loving feelings in both of you.
5. Reflect and Adjust: After so much observation, experimenting, and self-discovery, I’m sure you and your partner would have certain feedback also to share. And probably adjust the way you express love accordingly.  You will have a primary language, but you can enjoy other love languages as well. Just maintain a balance between what you like and what your partner likes.

Remember that love language is never fixed 100%. Over time, it can evolve as well as you grow as people or you become parents. So, just constantly keep exploring new aspects of yourself and your partner.

Plus, you can take the test on five love languages.^[5]

Benefits of Five Love Languages

When you understand your and your partner’s love language, a lot can change and evolve in your relationship [4]:

1. Enhanced Communication: When you know each other’s love language, you can express your love, gratitude, and appreciation in a better manner. Since you would be expressing yourself in a language that your partner best understands, there will be less miscommunication and misunderstandings.
2. Emotional Connection: The best part about speaking your partner’s love language is that you both will become even closer emotionally. You both will feel that you are being understood, valued, and appreciated. When this happens, there will be a deeper connection and intimacy between the two of you.
3. Relationship Satisfaction: When you and your partner feel loved and treasured, then even your satisfaction in the relationship will start increasing. You both will be able to experience the joy and excitement of being together and sharing a love that holds a deep meaning. It will be a positive environment that no amount of conflict can destroy.
4. Conflict Resolution: When you know your partner’s love language, even if you both have a fight, you know what the solution is. Just use their love language! Not only will it help both of you to calm down, but it will give you both a chance to sort out the issues and reach a middle ground quickly.
5. Lasting Commitment: The more you use your partner’s love language, the more assurance you are giving of your commitment to the relationship. It will show a path of deep emotional connection between you and your partner that will last long and one where you both will be delighted to be.

Read more about the Importance of trust in a romantic relationship

Conclusion

Speaking the same language as your partner is very important. You can speak different languages and expect that everything will be rainbows and sunshine. That is not how love works. Love takes work and effort. And the easiest effort you can put in is understanding your partner’s love language. That way, you and your partner can feel more in sync with each other. This will help you both feel loved, valued and appreciated. Your emotional bonding and satisfaction levels can also increase. I’m not saying there will be no conflicts, but knowing your partner’s love language can help you resolve conflicts quickly and reach common ground.

If you are facing any relationship issues, reach out to our experts or explore more content at United We Care! At United We Care, a team of wellness and mental health experts will guide you with the best methods for well-being.

References

[1]“A quote by Rumi.” https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/498098-listen-with-ears-of-tolerance-see-through-the-eyes-of

[2] “The Five Love Languages – Wikipedia,” The Five Love Languages – Wikipedia, Apr. 01, 2019. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages

[3] “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,” Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/work/832090-the-five-love-languages-how-to-express-heartfelt-commitment-to-your-mat

[4] “Everything to Know About the 5 Love Languages,” Verywell Mind, Feb. 08, 2023. https://www.verywellmind.com/can-the-five-love-languages-help-your-relationship-4783538

[5] “The Love Language® Quiz,” The Love Language® Quiz. https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language