Love Yourself.
A phrase we’re all too familiar with, as we hear it all the time.
Love itself is a complicated word, and adding “self” before it can make it even more perplexing, for some. We’re often told to love ourselves, especially in moments of difficulty – when we’re overwhelmed with self-doubt, insecurities, self-criticism, etc. But what does it really mean to love oneself?
Self-love is the radical act of embracing our humanity with all its flaws and perfections. One powerful way to cultivate it can be through self-love dates, which refer to intentional, meaningful moments spent with yourself. Whether you struggle with self-love or simply need inspiration for solo dates, this guide will help you embrace self-care mindfully.
What is Self Love
The phrase self-love can be quite controversial, especially because the difference between self-love as an act of true appreciation to oneself can be so easily misconstrued with other constructs such as selfishness and narcissism. Fortunately, thought leaders, philosophers, and researchers have all tried to define the concept for us to understand clearly.
Recent research by Henchske et al. (2023) found that self-love includes the following components:
- Self-Contact – Paying attention to your needs and emotions.
- Self-Acceptance – Making peace with who you are, imperfections included.
- Self-Care – Protecting and nurturing yourself with intentional actions.
Another notable qualitative exploration by Xue et al. (2021) found that self love has five components including:
- Self cherishing
- Self acceptance
- Self restraint
- Self responsibility
- Self persistence
Thus, deriving from these definitions, we can conclude that self-love refers to the overall sum of feelings, thoughts, and actions that stem from an authentic appreciation of and connection with oneself. It is complemented by actively taking actions towards improving one’s wellbeing and quality of life.
How to Practice Self-Love: Self-Love vs. Narcissism
If you’ve been wondering how to practice self-love, understanding how it’s different from narcissism may help. At times we may find ourselves and other people justifying narcissistic tendencies as an act of self-love, however, as many others argue, self-love and narcissism are opposites.
Differences between self-love and narcissism: (According to positivepsychology.com):
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- Self-love is focused inward, narcissism is focused outward. Self-love involves accepting oneself without needing to compare to others, celebrating achievements honestly, and validating one’s worth without constant external approval. Narcissism, on the other hand, thrives on comparison and external validation.
- Self-love comes from authenticity, narcissism comes from appearances. Narcissists often focus on appearing successful rather than being authentic. They crave admiration, and view the world in black-and-white terms. While self-love is about genuine self-appreciation, narcissism is about proving superiority to others.
- Self-love fosters growth, narcissism hinders it. Practicing self-love helps build emotional resilience and self-acceptance, whereas narcissism creates dependency on others’ approval. Narcissism hinders growth by prioritizing appearances over inner development.
Signs You May Need Self-Love
Loving oneself is not as easy as it may seem from afar. We tend to be our harshest critics. The importance of self-love shows much clearly when you really notice the consequences of not loving yourself enough.
When self-love is lacking, it often shows up in subtle but impactful ways, affecting our emotional well-being, relationships, and daily life. Recognizing these signs is the first step toward healing and building a self-care mindset. Here are some common indicators that you may need to prioritize cherishing yourself:
- Overextending Yourself – If you constantly struggle to say “no” to other people, you may not be prioritizing your own needs above other people’s expectations and validation. Healthy boundaries are an essential part of self-love and emotional well-being.
- Neglecting Self-Care Rituals – If you frequently put yourself last, skipping rest, nourishment, or activities that bring you joy, it may be a sign that you need to rebuild your self-care routine. Not taking care of yourself can leave you in a cycle of constantly feeling drained.
- Tolerating Unhealthy Relationships – Constantly tolerating unhealthy relationships, perhaps even after recognizing their damage, may be a sign that one fears being alone. If this sounds like you, you may want to spend more time with yourself to truly get to know who you are and cultivate self-love. A lack of self-love may be what is blocking you from adding healthy relationships to your life.
- Engaging in Negative Self-Talk – Being overly critical of yourself, constantly doubting your abilities, or comparing yourself negatively to others is a sign that you may not be connected with yourself and your needs.
- Self-Sabotaging Patterns – Avoiding opportunities, downplaying your achievements, or procrastinating on personal growth can indicate deeper fears around self-worth and success.
How to Plan a Self-Love Date
Solo dating is one of the best ways to show yourself love. However, it is common to not know where to start when it comes to planning a self-love date or learning how to enjoy your own company.
But don’t worry, taking one little step at a time is the perfect way to know how to enjoy alone time. Here’s a step-by-step guide to planning a self love-date:
Step 1: Set an Intention
Think about why you’re looking to explore self-love date ideas in the first place. There can be a myriad of reasons why — perhaps you’re exhausted by social interactions or work, perhaps you’ve been feeling a little disconnected with yourself, perhaps it’s been a while since you did something you enjoy by yourself.
Your intention will lead you to the best self-love date ideas. If you’re tired, you’ll want to do something relaxing. If you’re bored and would like to do something new, you may want to explore doing something you haven’t before. Defining your purpose will help you plan a meaningful experience and aid the process of building self-love.
Step 2: Choose an Activity
Intentions set? Great, now is the time to let yourself be creative.
If you’re bored: Make a list of things you have always wanted to try. Perhaps a new cafe in town, or an event that is of interest to you, or a new hobby such as painting, dancing, pottery. The options are endless.
If you’re tired: Make a list of things that feel relaxing, or simply activities that you enjoy doing. This could be as simple as sleeping in and watching a movie, taking a relaxing bath, or eating comfort food. Self-care is a radical idea in a productivity-obsessed world, so make sure to embrace it and refresh yourself.
If you’re feeling disconnected: If you simply wish to check-in with yourself and see how you’ve been feeling, engage in a reflective activity such as mindfulness or journaling. Reflective activities are good to enable a connection with yourself. If you’re new to planning solo dates, or feel a bit alienated from the concept of self-love, this is the way to go. You will eventually get to know yourself better, and your next plans for a solo-date will come more naturally.
Step 3: Schedule a Time
Don’t put yourself last! To truly master the art of self dating, you must treat yourself the way you would treat an important friend, or an exciting romantic date. You’re worth it.
Schedule a time for your selected activity like you would do for an important appointment. And do not cancel unless you have a very, very good reason for it. Prioritizing your solo date is important to reinforce its value and not brush it under just another casual endeavour.
Step 4: Get Ready
Again, the key to a perfect solo date to build self-love is to treat yourself as though you’d treat an attractive date.
Dress up, set the ambience, prepare for your outing or the stay-in. This will make it feel special and help you feel good. Ultimately, it will help you enjoy your own company more.
Step 5: Be Present
Think about a date where the person you were with was constantly on their phone, or distracted about something that had nothing to do with the two of you. Did you feel important? Or did you feel disappointed?
Do not distract yourself on your solo date, because that will defeat the purpose of it. Pay attention to yourself the way you would pay attention to a partner. Listen to your thoughts, feelings, ideas – treat yourself well. So, for the love of all things good — put your phone away!
Final Thoughts
Self-love is a complicated construct – and oftentimes, it is not a destination. Instead, it is about committing to show up for yourself, stay connected with yourself, forgiving yourself for past mistakes or shortcomings, and truly accepting your authentic self.
Every individual is different and your solo date does not have to be absolutely perfect, simply good and true enough to you. Taking yourself on dates is a great way to build a healthier relationship with yourself, and learning how to enjoy your own company.
Remember, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself — cherish it. Go ahead, plan your first solo date, and revel in the joy of your own presence!
References
Ackerman, C. E. (2018, July 20). What is self-compassion and what is self-love? PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/self-compassion-self-love/
Cooks-Campbell, A. (2025, January 21). What self-love truly means and ways to cultivate it. Better Up. https://www.betterup.com/blog/self-love
Gillette, H. (2024, September 27). Practicing Self-Love to improve Well-Being. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/what-is-self-love-and-why-is-it-so-important
Henschke, E., & Sedlmeier, P. (2023). What is self-love? Redefinition of a controversial construct. The Humanistic Psychologist, 51(3), 281–302. https://doi.org/10.1037/hum0000266
Khoshaba, D. (2012, March 27). Self-love is an action, not a state of feeling good. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love
Xue, L. M., Huang, X. T., Wu, N., & Yue, T. (2021). A Qualitative exploration of Chinese Self-Love. Frontiers in Psychology, 12. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.585719
