A long time ago in ancient Rome, a priest named “Valentine” went against Emperor Claudius II’s orders by secretly marrying couples.The emperor believed that single men made better soldiers and banned marriage. When Valentine was caught, he was imprisoned and later executed on “February 14.”
Legend says that before his death, he sent a letter to the jailer’s daughter, signed “From your Valentine.” Over time, this story merged with medieval traditions of love, and Valentine’s Day became a celebration of romance.
Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that brings out a mix of emotions. For some, it is a day of love, romance, and thoughtful gestures. While for others, it might be a reminder of loneliness, pressure or even just another commercialized event. But why does this day affect people so differently? Psychology of valentine’s day offers some interesting insights into how Valentine’s Day affects our mental health, emotions, relationships, and even our self-esteem.
1. The psychology behind love and attraction – The Brain’s Reward System
If you are in a happy relationship, Valentine’s Day can feel exciting and meaningful. The psychology behind love and attraction reveals that expressing love and gesture through words, gifts or actions activates the brain’s reward system, which releases dopamine and oxytocin. These hormones make us feel pleasure, connection, and trust.
The psychology behind love and attraction suggests that even small acts such as writing a heartfelt note or thinking back about happy moments, can strengthen emotional bonds. Studies show that couples who celebrate special occasions together tend to feel more satisfied and connected in their relationships.
However love is not just about romantic relationships. Acts of kindness, whether towards a friend, a family member or even a stranger, can trigger similar feelings of warmth and fulfillment.
2. Valentine’s Day and social pressure – The Stress Factor
Not everyone feels the joy of Valentine’s Day. For some, the day comes with expectations and pressure, where some people tend to look for the perfect gift, trying to plan the perfect date or meet unrealistic relationship standards.
Social media makes this more stressful. Since when people are scrolling through different social platforms, they see grand romantic gestures, expensive gifts or perfect couple pictures, and thus it is easy to feel that your own experiences are not enough. But the truth is, social media only shows the highlights and not the full reality of relationships.
This is known as “social comparison theory” (Leon Festinger, 1954), where we evaluate our own happiness based on what others seem to have. The key to getting over this stress is to focus on what feels right for you and your relationship, rather than what looks impressive to others.
3. Single? It’s a Mixed Bag
If you are single on Valentine’s Day, your experience can vary widely. Some people feel completely content and enjoy their independence while for others they might feel loneliness creeping in.
One of the main reasons why being single might feel harder on Valentine’s Day is “perceived social isolation.” It is not always actual loneliness but the feeling that everyone else is celebrating love while you are left out. However in reality many people in relationships also experience stress, unmet expectations or even heartbreak on this day.
Instead of seeing Valentine’s Day as a reminder of what is missing, it can be an opportunity to celebrate self love. Try treating yourself to something nice. You can plan a fun outing with your friends or simply do activities that make you happy.
Treat yourself to something nice, plan a fun outing with friends, or simply indulge in activities that make you happy. Self-care fosters increased optimism, a positive outlook on life, and enhanced self-esteem, which may help decrease levels of anxiety and depression (HRD Connect, 2023).
4. The Psychology of Love Languages
Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages (1992) explains how people express and receive love in different ways:
- Words of Affirmation – Expressing love through compliments and kind words.
- Acts of Service – Showing love by doing things for others (like cooking a meal or helping with chores).
- Receiving Gifts – Finding meaning in thoughtful gifts, not necessarily expensive ones.
- Quality Time – Valuing meaningful moments together over material things.
- Physical Touch – Feeling connected through hugs, kisses, and physical closeness.
Understanding love languages can improve relationships not just romantic ones but it can also improve friendships and family bonds too. If you know what makes your loved ones feel valued, you can celebrate Valentine’s Day in a way that truly resonates with them.
To know more about this, check out our blog on decoding the love languages.
5. Self-love on Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is not just about romantic love, it is also a great opportunity to practice self love and appreciation. Positive psychology suggests that taking care of yourself, setting healthy boundaries, and engaging in activities you enjoy can significantly boost happiness levels (Anuishka Nanty, 2021).
Ways to Practice Self-Love on Valentine’s Day:
– Write yourself a love letter, highlighting your strengths and achievements.
– Treat yourself to something special like a nice meal, a relaxing bath, or a new book.
– Spend time doing things that bring you joy, whether it is painting, reading, or exercising.
– Reflect on the relationships in your life that bring you happiness, whether it is friends, family, or even pets.
Self-love on Valentine’s Day is just as important as loving someone else, which makes it a perfect time to remind yourself of the importance of valuing and appreciating yourself.
6. It’s Just One Day – Perspective Matters
At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day is just a single day out of 365. It does not define your worth, your relationship status, or your happiness. The most important thing is how you feel the rest of the year.
The emotional impact of Valentine’s Day can be significant for some, bringing joy, excitement, or even pressure, but what truly matters is showing and giving love in your everyday life whether it is with a partner, family, friends, or yourself. After all, love is not about grand gestures in just one day, it is more than that it is about small, meaningful moments throughout the year.
Final Thoughts
Valentine’s Day is a reflection of our emotions, expectations, and personal experiences. The emotional impact of Valentine’s Day can be different for everyone, bringing joy, nostalgia or even pressure, depending on individual circumstances. Whether you are in love, single, or somewhere in between, the key to enjoying this day is to focus on what truly makes you happy. Love comes in many forms and sometimes, the most important kind is the love you show yourself.
So this Valentine’s Day, no matter what your situation is, celebrate love in whatever way feels right for you.
References
- Well-being: Self-care and Positive Psychology. Nation.sc. Published 2020. Accessed February 8, 2025. https://www.nation.sc/articles/11314/well-being-self-care-and-positive-psychology
- History.com Editors. History of Valentine’s Day. HISTORY. Published December 22, 2009. https://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day-2
- Clarity Clinic. Navigating Valentine’s Day: Understanding its Impact on Mental Health. Claritychi.com. Published February 12, 2024. https://www.claritychi.com/blog/valentines-day-impact-on-mental-health
- Bhatti AB, Haq A ul. The Pathophysiology of Perceived Social Isolation: Effects on Health and Mortality. Cureus. 2017;9(1). doi:https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.994
- HRD Connect. The vital link between self-care and mental health – HRD. HRD. Published May 16, 2023. Accessed February 8, 2025. https://www.hrdconnect.com/2023/05/16/the-vital-link-between-self-care-and-mental-health/
- https://www.mindbodygreen.com/wc/julie-nguyen. mindbodygreen. Mindbodygreen.com. Published 2022. Accessed February 8, 2025. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained?srsltid=AfmBOopy5TAm2ULELeo4wlbLhMit6JP9a24RBaO-qmwtHFoqVAaJxIn2
- Cherry K. How Social Comparison Theory Influences Our Views on Ourselves. Verywell Mind. Published May 21, 2024. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-social-comparison-process-2795872
