Introduction
“My partner hasn’t replied to my message yet. Did I make a mistake? What might have gone wrong?”. Anxiety has its own ways of spilling onto our relationships and convincing us that something significant has occurred. This holds potential for causing distress for the individual and conflicts in the relationship.
Anxiety in Relationships
Often individuals tend to get used to the discomfort that comes with anxiety. Whether this is in a social setting, in daily life or in our relationships. Getting used to it does not necessarily mean that the individual feels comfortable with the experience but more so, starts seeing it as normal or something that is experienced by most people.
Anxiety in relationships can look like persistent worry, tension or doubts regarding one’s partner or the future of their relationship. This usually occurs as a result of carrying emotional baggage from our past relationships or having distorted and rigid ideas about what a relationship should look like. This tends to make the experience less enjoyable and even burdensome for the individual experiencing anxiety as well as their partner. Studies have also shown that Anxiety tends to negatively impacts relationship satisfaction.
Symptoms of Anxiety in Relationships
Anxiety could present itself in various ways in our relationships including those with our family, peers, colleagues as well as romantic relationships.
Following are some ways in which anxiety shows up in relationships:
- Seeking constant reassurance: this would mean constantly asking your partner if everything is okay or if they feel the same towards you, even when there is no clear sign of an issue.
- Overanalyzing the other person’s words and actions: dissecting every interaction you have with them and constantly trying to read into the other person’s words, behaviour and the intentions behind them.
- Walking on eggshells: being overcautious about every word you say or how you behave around the other person.
- Fear of abandonment: repeatedly thinking about being abandoned in your relationships or a fear of being left alone.
- Experiencing physical symptoms: increased heart rate, breathlessness or sweating while thinking about your relationships.
Impacts of Anxiety on Relationships
When anxiety enters a relationship, it ends up impacting not only the people in the relationship but also the overall quality of the connection as well as the perception of relationship satisfaction.
The individuals might stop being able to enjoy each other’s company, causing avoidance behaviors or the relationship itself might start to feel like a burden. Miscommunication and misunderstandings stemming from anxiety induced behaviors might lead to conflicts and consequentially create distance in the relationship.
Supporting your Partner When Dealing with Anxiety in Relationships
Dealing with a partner who constantly feels anxious about the relationship can be challenging.
Anxiety or anxious thoughts and actions usually stem from one’s past experiences or strongly held beliefs. Hence, to begin with, it is important to validate the other person’s emotional experience and try to be empathetic towards them.
Act as an active listener: Holding space for your partner to freely express their understanding of the situation can help them feel heard. Hold back from interrupting their chain of thoughts, instead take turns to talk.
Provide reassurance when required: if nothing significant has occurred, then reassure your partner about the same and be there for them.
Helping them cope with anxiety: remind them of coping methods that help them reduce anxiety example, practicing breathwork, going out for a walk, listening to music, talking to a loved one, etc.
5 Effective Tips to Overcome Anxiety to Save your Relationships
Self-awareness: build awareness about ABCs. The activating event (A) or what triggers you, the beliefs (B) or thoughts that come up and the consequence (C) in terms of your physical and behavioral responses to situations.
Regulating anxiety: following self-awareness, the next step is regulating anxiety through engaging in regular journaling, focused breathing, talking to a friend or engaging in hobbies.
Open Communication: communication is the key to maintaining healthy relationships. Practice creating a safe space where both the partners can freely and avoid any misunderstandings.
Avoid Mind Reading: Try to separate feelings from facts. If you are repeatedly having a particular thought, ask yourself if there is any evidence to prove it.
Forming boundaries: establish an expectation from each other to communicate if you feel hurt due to the each other’s words or actions. Knowing that one’s partner will communicate the same helps to feel calm otherwise.
Conclusion
Relationship anxiety can bring notable discomfort with it. Therefore, it is essential to identify if it starts becoming an obstacle in our relationships and then try to work out ways to deal with it. Seeking professional help also turns out to be an effective and supportive way to find the right tools and guidance regarding our unique experiences and concerns.
References
Campbell, L., Simpson, J. A., Boldry, J., & Kashy, D. A. (2005). Perceptions of Conflict and Support in Romantic Relationships: The Role of Attachment Anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88(3), 510–531. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.88.3.510
Candel, O.-S., & Turliuc, M. N. (2019). Insecure attachment and relationship satisfaction: A meta-analysis of actor and Partner Associations. Personality and Individual Differences, 147, 190–199. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2019.04.037
Zaider, T. I., Heimberg, R. G., & Iida, M. (2010). Anxiety disorders and intimate relationships: A study of daily processes in couples. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 119(1), 163–173. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0018473
