Here’s What Demisexuals Should Know About Love and Relationships

Introduction

From heterosexuality and homosexuality to pansexuality, every individual seems to have a distinct sexual identity now. But while it might seem like sexual orientations are just a trend, they help people discover their identity and others like themselves and better understand their sexual preferences. Read this blog post to learn more about demisexual and relationships.

Defining demisexuality

The term demisexual[1] has been around for a long time but has only become popular recently. The term first surfaced in 2006 on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network Forums and only became a topic of interest once the world of sexual orientations began to expand. Demisexual is a term that refers to someone who experiences sexual attraction towards a person only after developing a close mental and emotional bond with them. The term demisexuality falls between the concepts of asexuality (people who don’t experience sexual attraction) and allosexual (people who share sexual interests).

How to figure out if you are a demisexual

If you want to know whether you identify as a demisexual, ask yourself these questions:

• Was your attraction to your significant other immediate or intense?

• Did the appeal take a while to manifest?

• Have you ever imagined having sex with a close friend?

Answering these questions might help define your sexual boundaries and your comfort zone. Demisexuals do not experience sexual desire immediately after meeting a person; the arousal only develops over time through creating a deep connection and intimacy. Identifying your sexual orientation takes time, and we suggest taking it slow. Understanding who you are is the first step to ensuring a healthier, more intimate relationship with your significant other.

Should you feel ashamed of being a demisexual?

What will people think if I tell them I’m a demisexual? Will they understand me? What reaction will my parents have when I come out to them? It is common for demisexuals[2] to have questions like this as they try to accept the reality of their sexual orientation and wonder how to come out and tell others the truth. Understanding your sexuality is the first step in unlocking intimacy and sexual prowess. A demisexual is attracted to people they deeply connect with; they may be long-term friends and colleagues. Shame results from thinking that you are doing something wrong, and society has made it taboo to be your person. However, accepting that you’re a demisexual will not bring shame but mental peace. You’ll have a defined place in this world and potentially find that person you’ve been looking for through this process of self-realisation.

What is the impact of being a demisexual?

Today, the definitions of relationships and sexual orientations are seeing a massive shift. The terms heterosexual and homosexual have branched out to involve many sexual orientations. Finding out that they are demisexual can aid an individual in feeling included and realising that they aren’t alone. People who’ve been through these emotions can finally make sense of things. A demisexual can join a ‘bigger’ community of people just like them to experience comfort, support and acceptance from like-minded individuals. Through their characteristics, demisexuals could also lead to more deep-rooted societal relationships, leading to happier lives and fewer broken homes.

What do demisexuals need to know about love and relationships?

When demisexuals venture out to find love and lasting relationships, it’s important to remember the following things[3]:

1. Crushes within your inner circle

Demisexuals develop a sexual attraction to people they know very well, such as a childhood friend, a close colleague or anyone with whom they have a close bond. When it comes to demisexuality, gender doesn’t matter. According to expert psychologists, the feeling of connection or intimacy is the key to unlocking sexual attraction in demisexuals.

2. Flings and hookups

If you’re a demisexual, you may not be interested in hookups, flings, or even flirting. These types of relationships lack a deep connection, and it’s okay if you count them out of your romantic journey. Demisexuals are all about the long game.

3. Intimate dating

Being a demisexual is like closely reading a book. The more immersed you are in words, the more you become interested. Demisexuals are interested in activities that involve getting to know someone at a deeper level than usual. How does this vary from regular dating? If a date consists of a movie, discussing it may give a deeper insight into the other person’s thinking process. As these emotions of self-expression begin to emanate, the inclination towards sexual attraction starts to bud and slowly build. 

       4. An ideal mate

While many people might have a ‘type’ or a particular personality that they find attractive or wish to date, demisexuals don’t usually have a type. While others may instantly be able to describe the physical qualities of an individual they find attractive, demisexuals will require a more intimate understanding of the individual. Experts have found that demisexuals are attracted to various people depending on their personality, character and the bond they create, and not solely based on the physical qualities of a person.

Conclusion

Deep, meaningful relationships are always the foundation of a strong bond. When you grow older, you realise that a significant bond keeps you sane and grounded in a relationship. If you realise that your sexual attraction for another human is rooted in a strong desire to form a deep emotional connection, you may be demisexual. Sexual orientations should be assessed carefully and explored calmly. Take your time, experience deep emotional connections and take the leap to an everlasting relationship.

References:

[1] https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/demisexual

[2] https://livewire.thewire.in/gender-and-sexuality/coming-out-as-a-demisexual/

[3] https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19900341/demisexuality-meaning/