Premarital Anxiety: 5 Effective Tips For Walking Down the Aisle with Confidence

Introduction

Did you and your partner just recently get engaged to be married? Are you worried about what the future has in store for you and your partner? Are you getting cold feet thinking about your wedding? You might be facing ‘Premarital Anxiety.’ Most people face nervousness before their wedding, but to have cold feet to the point of anxiety that’s something you need to take care of. In this article, let me share with you the symptoms, effects, and solutions to premarital anxiety.

“Love and doubt have never been on speaking terms.” ― Khalil Gibran [1]

Understanding Premarital Anxiety

I am a huge movie buff. I grew up watching a lot of romantic comedies, specifically those that ended in marriage. I saw how the couple was nervous before the wedding, making sure everything was perfect. I saw the fights, the almost calling off of the wedding, and the couple getting back together again to have the most beautiful wedding ever. You know how it is, right? So, thinking of premarital anxiety, I could think of a few shows and movies, and one that stood out was ‘Runaway Bride.’ Remember how Maggie ran away from every wedding of hers?

Premarital jitter is the state of extreme nervousness, doubt, and uncertainty that you may feel before getting married. While getting jittery is normal for all couples to feel before the wedding, anxiety is something that is more deep-rooted. You might be worried about whether or not you made the right decision by saying yes or the person you said yes to. You could even be worried about what the future hold for the two of you together. It’s possible that your heart is not fully into the thought of marriage. You might be getting forced by your family or societal pressures. In fact, even your past experiences in a relationship could be giving you anxiety [2].

If you have a fear of lifelong commitment, a fear of handling responsibilities, or doubt about whether or not you are compatible with your partner, then you need to have open communication with everyone. Premarital anxiety, as compared to premarital jitters, might require more support before you take the next big step into marriage.

Symptoms Of Premarital Jitters

If you or a person in front of you is facing premarital anxiety, then it would be quite visible in their actions and reactions. Watch out for the following symptoms [3]:

1. Persistent Worry and Overthinking: If you are facing premarital anxiety, then you see yourself constantly worrying about everything related to the wedding and the marriage. It could be about your compatibility with your partner, the financial situation post-marriage, or even about the challenges you might face. You’re more often in your head than the place you’re physically at. This constant worrying can lead to high-stress levels.
2. Physical Symptoms: Premarital anxiety can cause you to show physical signs as well. At the very mention of your wedding or even if someone says the words ‘marriage’ or ‘wedding,’ you might start having an increase in your heartbeats; you might start sweating, shaking, crying, and even hyperventilating. All this can lead to a panic attack as well. In fact, you might even start noticing stomach-related concerns.
3. Doubts and Second Guessing: If you are dealing with premarital anxiety, you might ask yourself often why you said yes or if you are making the right decision or not. You might even ask yourself whether you really know your partner or not. You might tell yourself that you are probably not ready for a lifelong commitment to a person.
4. Changes in Mood: You might see your mood going up and down. One time you could feel super motivated and charged for the wedding, and the other, you might feel frustrated, irritated, sad, and even hopeless. What could be adding to this distressed feeling of yours is the pressure from your family or society. The stress from preparing for the wedding can also lead to mood swings.
5. Difficulty Concentrating: You might find it difficult to concentrate on the work and responsibilities around the marriage and even otherwise. You might find it difficult to even do your daily tasks with full focus and concentration.

Effects of Premarital Anxiety

If premarital jitters have converted into anxiety, then you can see its effects on yourself and the people around you [4]:

1. Relationship Satisfaction: Your doubts can lead to a strain on your relationship with your partner and the people around you. The more your anxiety, the less satisfied you will be in your marriage.
2. Increased Conflict: You might start having more fights with your partner about the smallest of things. Even if he so much as sighed loudly, you might start a fight with them. This might continue well into your marriage as well actually, if you both do decide to go ahead with the wedding.
3. Commitment Issues: You might find it difficult to commit to your relationship, which can harm your emotional connection with your partner. But if you decide to move forward with the wedding, you might see a decline in the quality of your relationship with your partner, which might lead you to get a divorce.
4. Emotional Distress: You might feel too overwhelmed with thoughts and doubts about the relationship and the marriage. These constant feelings of worry, sadness, and fear can really impact your health and even the health of your relationship with your partner.

Overcoming Premarital Anxiety

As difficult as it might seem to overcome these thoughts filled with worry, fear, and sadness, you can overcome premarital anxiety. Here’s what you need to do [5]:

1. Open Communication: Just have an open discussion with your partner. As they say, “Communication is the key,” it really is. When you talk to your partner, you might be able to reach a conclusion faster. Plus, you might get the assurance you need. Your partner might turn out to be an understanding person who is willing to help both of you to work on the issues causing the anxiety. After all, doubt doesn’t creep up just like that, isn’t it?
2. Premarital Counseling: When there are professionals available, then why do you want to handle everything on your own? Go for premarital counseling or therapy! Your therapist can help you both understand the deep issues in a much better manner. Sometimes when we are not able to put everything in the right words, we can take help from a third person. That way, you could really be saving your relationship, and you might even have a successful marriage. United We Care is one such platform that can help you.
3. Self-Reflection: Just sit with yourself and try to sort your thoughts and understand why you’re facing this anxiety. By doing so, you can probably plan how you can have the conversation with your partner and what strategies would be the best ones to address the situation at hand.
4. Educate Yourself: There is a lot of information in the market through books, TED talks, workshops, etc., for you to figure out why you’re feeling what you’re feeling and how you can overcome the issues. In fact, your knowledge might become so strong that you might be able to give marriage counselors a run for their money! Jokes apart, you might know exactly what you need to do to make your marriage a solid ten out of ten.
5. Seek Support: When everything else seems to be crashing around you, you can find help and support from your support system of friends, family members, or mentors. Discuss with them what you are going through, and if they are married, then ask what made them sure and what helped them make their marriage work.

Conclusion

Getting nervous before the big day is quite common. But to go through anxiety before your wedding can have some deep-rooted fears. It’s important to understand what these issues are and to address them before you bring on these doubts, fears, and anxieties into your marriage. Doing so can be the recipe for a failed marriage, and that can lead to physical, mental, and emotional concerns for both you and your partner. So, get all the help you need and understand what you need to do going forward. Remember, you are in no way obligated to go through the wedding if you are not sure. But if your doubts get cleared, with the right support, you might have a really blissful life.

If you are facing premarital jitters, you can connect with our expert premarital counselors or explore more content at United We Care! At United We Care, a team of wellness and mental health experts will guide you with the best methods for your well-being.

References

[1] “Love and doubt have never been on speaking…… Quote by ‘Khalil Gibran’ | What Should I Read Next?,” Love and doubt have never been on speaking…… Quote by “Khalil Gibran” https://www.whatshouldireadnext.com/quotes/khalil-gibran-love-and-doubt-have-never

[2] S. M. Stanley, P. R. Amato, C. A. Johnson, and H. J. Markman, “Premarital education, marital quality, and marital stability: Findings from a large, random household survey.,” Journal of Family Psychology, vol. 20, no. 1, pp. 117–126, 2006, doi: 10.1037/0893-3200.20.1.117.

[3] J. A. Lavner, B. R. Karney, and T. N. Bradbury, “Does Couples’ Communication Predict Marital Satisfaction, or Does Marital Satisfaction Predict Communication?,” Journal of Marriage and Family, vol. 78, no. 3, pp. 680–694, Mar. 2016, doi: 10.1111/jomf.12301.

[4] C. T. Hill and L. A. Peplau, “Premarital Predictors of Relationship Outcomes: A 15-Year Follow-up of the Boston Couples Study,” The Developmental Course of Marital Dysfunction, pp. 237–278, Aug. 1998, doi 10.1017/cbo9780511527814.010.

[5] J.A. Lavner, B.R. Karney, and T.N. Bradbury, “Do cold feet warn of trouble ahead? Premarital uncertainty and four-year marital outcomes.” Journal of Family Psychology, vol. 26, pp. 1012–1017, doi: 10.1037/a0029912.